It's just weird sometimes... I bleed, it can make me feel very unwell; it's just about being a woman, a female. But it's all so pointless. A constant reminder of the continuous measure of my infertility, and a more painful and prolonged than the average reminder, each month. Oh of course sometimes I'm in full acceptance of it...this is what it is, how it is. But some times I get caught out....maybe an extra pain, an unexpected pouring and I can feel quite desolate or angry or hopeless. Then there will be the menopause to look forward to.
Is it any good speaking the anger? Is there too much confessional therapy one can do? Sometimes it brings others with similar experience, with something to share. I don't know, I really don't know. There is some stuff I've written it feels like it needs to be said but to who? Perhaps I'll think about it then come back and make a link to it...
I think of all the snow and frost and how it makes me feel more me, how it feels right, how I can feel happy in it. Red & white... none of it makes sense, but maybe that's ok. Life is a paradox anyway, isn't it?
1 comment:
interesting you should speak about "speaking the anger". I have and apparently, my father and his evil wife have been following my blog and have seen all the posts I wrote while "speaking the anger". Am I sorry, not at all. Am I upset? Indeed. I feel violated, and disgusted that the would take that amount of time to actually hunt me down and twist my words to suit their perverse agenda. Maybe I have hurt him by posting these things, but geeze. What you have done to me and continue to do so is 1/1000000 of the amount of damage that has been done.
Speaking the anger - yes. It is necessary. We need to keep the toxins out of our body, and doing this is one way of staying "clean".
Bleed.
yes, I know that too.
My cycle has become irregular - from every 27 days, to every 40, 50, and now 55. Eventually it will stop all together. Acceptance of is the only thing we can control.
Thank you for being so wonderful, brave and creative.
xo
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