hot

the estuary roses are coming out. the bees have buzzing frenzies inside.

it is too hot for me today, I stay indoors mostly.

It will be a day when I know that I am in the public eye - I wish to veil my face. Unhappiness/dissatisfaction with body is so stupid so difficult. Besides the weight gain I now have little thread veins and often tiny spots - they are nearly invisible - on my left cheek. The thread veins are not going to go away. and two red scar type marks on the right side of my face. I don't think even Dr. Hauscha can help despite those promising (dispiriting) words I found two years back

will I just find misery in everything? I listen to the Dalai llama talking of honesty, truthfulness, transparency. Of accepting what is; if it really is that bad what's the point of worrying?

Today will be what it will be and I would like to have the goal of acceptance, but should I have a goal at all?

I had a wish this morning....but it's pointless, it doesn't make me feel any better.

willow - not the pussy/puppy willow fluffs and floats, baby blackbirds in a woodpile and in a huge huge rose bush, chirrup and suggest that they are maybe ready for the big world.

The grass has grown so fast.