hot

the estuary roses are coming out. the bees have buzzing frenzies inside.

it is too hot for me today, I stay indoors mostly.

It will be a day when I know that I am in the public eye - I wish to veil my face. Unhappiness/dissatisfaction with body is so stupid so difficult. Besides the weight gain I now have little thread veins and often tiny spots - they are nearly invisible - on my left cheek. The thread veins are not going to go away. and two red scar type marks on the right side of my face. I don't think even Dr. Hauscha can help despite those promising (dispiriting) words I found two years back

will I just find misery in everything? I listen to the Dalai llama talking of honesty, truthfulness, transparency. Of accepting what is; if it really is that bad what's the point of worrying?

Today will be what it will be and I would like to have the goal of acceptance, but should I have a goal at all?

I had a wish this morning....but it's pointless, it doesn't make me feel any better.

willow - not the pussy/puppy willow fluffs and floats, baby blackbirds in a woodpile and in a huge huge rose bush, chirrup and suggest that they are maybe ready for the big world.

The grass has grown so fast.

tears from the sky

alone - together

SO.... a bit of contradiction going on in recent posts - one minute it's spill the beans and say we are all in this together next: we have to work it out alone.

What is the message? I only ask because I was asked, perhaps it needed thinking about.

When I read that paragraph in Moomintroll Winter it stood out, but it is cold and lonely. Moomintroll had been lonely throughout the strange winter of not hibernating, experiencing a whole other world yet in his world. Perhaps it merely is a paradox of life. Two things in one. The melancholy, the grief...even the anger, perhaps there is work to do alone; I do have to let the spinning penny suddenly drop to stillness, I have to feel it. No-one else can slap their hand and flatten that penny for me. But there is sharing, being there, knowing another. The stranger that I meet briefly, the people closest to my heart. Something about facing life/death together, sometimes without words.
Two sides to a coin.



curl curl curl, world within world, life within life.
Somewhere I hear a quote about there being another world but it is to be found within this world...where did I read that recently? Reminds of finding the kingdom of heaven within.

a rose and the universe

for _l

for today

twelfth night

images taken on twelfth night.

link here for similar ones at the end of my christmas images.

Anna brings flowers

lily, rose & green

late roses soft and sweet, I want to curl into them, soft against my skin, fragrant on my face.

roses in september

roses in september, alongside apples and falling birch leaves, the scents of autumn.

clear sun, dew laden mornings. cobwebs. garden crops. chiff chaff!

more blue sky flowers

midsummer afternoon tea at capel crannog

a gwrando project

a different view is here

one in the hand...

a giant blackberry flower


a rose falls apart in my hand

rose vinegar and the setting sun

skin deep

I am only skin deep, I am cold as a stone. nothing can get through to deep inside, not all the beauty of June, the wonder of being alive. that way nothing can get out and get felt.

But I am being pricked by something that I think comes from gnostic gospels:
'If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.'

sunset light catching

sunset & rose

tiny roses

tiny roses no bigger than blackberry flowers, but hundreds of them shedding a warm rose scent on damp breezes for several days, now under sun. if only I could capture that and pass it on. but one needs to feel the slight air movement that carries the scent, its density forever changing, evanescent.

reaching out

I reach out to see if I am still there, because Mark Who Had A Cat Called George is not. I wonder if I, myself can find and do I want to and why?

I would like to pick a bowl full of rose petals and sink my face into them.

deep roses

as I walked out into the garden in the morning a soft warm breeze brought to me the sharp sweet tea rose scent of these velvety flowers. My washing dried in that scented air.

light, 31 May

late sun in the garden