season to season

I listened to Jung talking about death. he said something about not looking back otherwise you became old before your time, dry, died before your time and that one must look to the new day all the possibilities. There was much more I think I might have been going to say but I can't remember.


Then someone said yesterday that it was an act of will to be happy, to be content with life, to not feel lonely, heart broken etc. I know she has not the best of health but she has a studio a house a husband children grandchildren..and obviously discipline because she teaches yoga and has a daily practice. Me? I'm infertile, fat, over fortyfive. I have too many ideas, spread over too many fields and I'm getting nowhere. I've got nowhere.

Today I felt restricted because I don't even really have anywhere to work. My art stuff in boxes, some sorted, some not, piled up. I guess if I threw away half my possesions I'd have a little space for a few months, but the effort in dealing with that too much. A lot of my work is on the computer and I don't even have one of those.

Getting to be too frightened. What inspires me at the moment? Plants, birds...naming them, sharing the knowledge, learning more.

Tulip season changes to poppy season


I decide I haven't the will.
Bereft.

1. deprived: deprived of somebody or something loved or valued
2. lacking: lacking in something desirable or necessarybereft of new ideas
3. feeling sense of loss: filled with a sense of loss

Lack: we walk to fill a lack...that came up in an essay about a project I was involved in. We make art to fill a lack...
Wander...crwydro...though my head. Tired. The beautiful necessary bird song.