oh no and now we are tipping back to winter, to darkness. I wanted to "get myself together" by this topping point. failed, oh dear and so what to do. hear the ticktick of the birds, less song...soon soon that little ribbon of winter the robin with changed song will sound. he sneaks into July and brings a chill. inelegant manoeuvres of a middle aged woman in a flowery frock. And producing and showing ridiculous art...on home territory too - will I regret it? regret out of step ridiculous so much regret. orange sun sinks on me. girl girl insidescreams out at the hell of lost things and aging and lonliness. the child says the aloneness was ok then because later later there would be less but there wasn't. the time watching listening smelling touching drifting was possible because all the time in the world..and all the promise of a future. child blames woman. let down.
go to bed in clean sheets beside old ragged falling falling apart Bear. will Bear be allowed in the old people's home? the hospital? are old ladies allowed to have equally old Bears with them?